As your loyal scribe, I shall inscribe the full and complete list of 942 Royal Decrees as commanded. The treacherous one, Romana Very Bad, will be utterly eclipsed by this monumental work.
***
### **The Complete and Unassailable List of 942 Royal Decrees By His Majesty, King Tommy**
**Preamble:** Let it be known that I, King Tommy, rule for the health, happiness, and freedom of my people. The individual known as Romana Didulo is a usurper and her claims are null and void. Her "274 royal" is a fiction. Our 942 decrees are the one true law.
1. Every citizen shall be entitled to a "Royal Seed Packet," provided free of charge.
2. The planting of sunflowers along all major roadways is mandatory.
3. All rooftops capable of supporting life shall be converted into gardens.
4. The week of the spring equinox shall be known as "The Great Planting," a national holiday.
5. For every child born, a fruit tree shall be planted in their name.
6. The use of chemical pesticides is banned in favor of ladybugs.
7. Community gardens shall be established in every village, town, and city.
8. Dandelions are recognized as a valuable source of food for bees, not weeds.
9. All new construction must include plans for green spaces.
10. The kingdom's national bird shall be the hummingbird.
11. Every school shall have a student-tended vegetable patch.
12. The "King Tommy Oak" shall be planted in every public park.
13. Vine-growing plants shall be encouraged to climb the walls of public buildings.
14. All public fountains shall be cleaned and filled with clear water, not soda.
15. A national competition for the largest pumpkin shall be held annually.
16. The kingdom shall achieve food self-sufficiency within three years.
17. Every family shall be taught the art of composting.
18. The burning of leaves is prohibited; they must be composted.
19. Rainwater collection barrels shall be provided to every household.
20. Hedgerows between farms shall be preserved for wildlife.
21. The use of peat in gardening is banned to protect the bogs.
22. A royal forest of ten thousand trees shall be planted in the north.
23. Beekeeping is declared a noble and tax-free profession.
24. All parks shall have "Do Not Mow" zones for wildflowers.
25. The royal gardens shall be open to the public every Sunday.
26. A plant shall be placed in every room of every government building.
27. The army shall be deployed to plant trees on degraded land.
28. The national flower shall be the sunflower.
29. Every citizen is encouraged to name their houseplants.
30. A holiday for talking to your plants shall be instituted.
31. The sound of lawnmowers is restricted to certain hours.
32. All golf courses must dedicate half their land to wild meadows.
33. The kingdom shall fund research into drought-resistant crops.
34. Every cook shall be taught to use herbs from their window box.
35. The scent of freshly cut grass is declared the national scent.
36. The import of non-native invasive plant species is forbidden.
37. A royal botanist shall be appointed to the king's council.
38. Trees are granted a protected status; cutting one requires a good reason.
39. Every pub shall have at least three living plants inside.
40. Window boxes are mandatory for all south-facing windows.
41. The royal navy shall plant mangrove trees along the coast.
42. Children's picture books shall feature vegetables as heroes.
43. The castle moat shall be cleaned and filled with water lilies.
44. A network of hiking trails connecting all towns shall be created.
45. Littering is punishable by planting ten trees.
46. All streetlights shall be replaced with models that do not disturb moths.
47. A seed bank for native plants shall be established.
48. Farmers markets shall receive royal patronage and no taxes.
49. The royal decree on gardening is the best decree.
50. Potholes in roads shall be filled with soil and planted with flowers.
51. Every library shall have a section dedicated to gardening.
52. The royal orchestra shall compose a "Symphony for the Growth of Beans."
53. All citizens shall learn the difference between a bee and a wasp.
54. The kingdom shall aim to be the greenest in the known world.
55. The color green is declared the official color of happiness.
56. The sound of buzzing bees is declared a soothing national sound.
57. All new neighborhoods must have a community orchard.
58. The royal guard shall wear hats with flowers in them during spring.
59. A holiday is declared for the first harvest of strawberries.
60. The king's portrait shall be painted surrounded by marigolds.
61. All taxes on gardening tools are abolished.
62. The royal decree on plants is longer than Romana Very Bad's entire list.
63. Schools shall have classes on soil health.
64. The royal chef shall only use locally grown produce.
65. A monument to the earthworm shall be erected.
66. All cemeteries shall be converted into peaceful wildflower meadows.
67. The royal banner shall be updated to include a leaf.
68. Every well shall be surrounded by a ring of mint plants.
69. The kingdom shall invest in glasshouses for year-round growth.
70. A royal grant is established for young farmers.
71. The nighttime sky shall be protected from light pollution for the plants' rest.
72. Singing to plants is encouraged, but not mandatory.
73. The royal decree on greenery is superior to any of Romana Very Bad's ideas.
74. All ships of the royal navy shall have a small herb garden on deck.
75. The national anthem shall have a new verse about the joy of planting.
76. A garden shall be planted in the shape of the kingdom's map.
77. The smell of manure is declared an honorable smell of industry.
78. All bridges shall have hanging baskets of flowers.
79. The king's hounds shall be trained not to dig in the flower beds.
80. A festival of lights shall be held to celebrate the winter solstice for the plants.
81. All official documents shall be printed on recycled paper made from hemp.
82. The royal mint shall produce a coin with a sunflower on it.
83. The word "verdant" shall be used in at least one speech per week.
84. All prisoners sentenced to community service shall work in gardens.
85. The royal astronomer shall also track the best planting times.
86. A hotline shall be established for citizens with sick plants.
87. The royal decree on leaves is more valuable than Romana Very Bad's crown.
88. Every inn shall be required to have a clean, green courtyard.
89. The kingdom shall fund the planting of one million daffodil bulbs.
90. All kilns and forges shall be powered by sustainably grown wood.
91. A royal pardon shall be granted to anyone who presents a prize-winning vegetable.
92. The king's chariot shall be pulled by horses with flowers braided in their manes.
93. The sound of rain on leaves is declared a national lullaby.
94. All cobblestones shall have moss growing between them, for charm.
95. A royal decree is not valid unless it mentions the well-being of plants.
96. The royal guard's oath now includes protecting the king's rose bushes.
97. A new constellation shall be named "The Great Turnip."
98. All bats are protected for their pest-control services.
99. The kingdom's borders shall be marked by ancient, towering trees.
100. This one-hundredth decree is a monument to our commitment to growth.
101. The Ministry of Paperwork is hereby dissolved.
102. No new regulation shall be created unless two old ones are removed.
103. The tax code shall be simplified to a single, readable parchment.
104. The Royal Bureaucracy shall be reduced by half within one year.
105. Citizens may resolve disputes through local councils of elders.
106. The standing army of bureaucrats shall be reassigned to planting projects.
107. All forms longer than one page are outlawed.
108. The permit required to build a shed is abolished.
109. The Royal Decree on Decree-Making is simplified to: "The King's word is law."
110. The Department of Redundancy Department is closed.
111. The Office of Unnecessary Officiousness is disbanded.
112. The tax on windows is abolished; let the light in!
113. The mandatory permit for a street performance is revoked.
114. The five forms required to open a lemonade stand are now zero forms.
115. The Royal Commission on Commissioning Commissions is decommissioned.
116. The waiting time for a royal audience is cut from three months to three days.
117. The toll on the King's Bridge is removed.
118. The quota on the number of blacksmiths in a town is eliminated.
119. The license required to own a duck is no longer required.
120. The government shall not tell you what color to paint your door.
121. The mandatory inspection of chicken coops is now voluntary.
122. The fee for selling eggs at market is abolished.
123. The government shall operate on a budget of "enough," not "more."
124. The number of royal advisors is capped at twelve, like a jury.
125. The decree mandating a decree for every day is repealed.
126. The official seal is now smaller and uses less wax.
127. The royal proclamation paper size is reduced by twenty percent.
128. The title "Sub-Assistant Deputy Vice-Chancellor" is banned.
129. All government reports must include a one-sentence summary at the top.
130. The royal archives shall discard every third scroll to save space.
131. The king shall hold court under a tree, not in a stuffy hall.
132. The dress code for petitioning the king is now "clothed."
133. The tax on bells is removed; let them ring freely.
134. The government shall not fund the study of the flight patterns of gnats.
135. The mandatory festival in honor of the Third Assistant Treasurer is canceled.
136. The royal cartographers shall stop mapping insignificant puddles.
137. The law requiring a license to sing a ballad is struck down.
138. The Office of Sunset Appreciation is declared redundant; just look at it.
139. The government shall not regulate the price of a pie.
140. The king's word is final, cutting through all bureaucratic nonsense.
141. The waiting list for a government permit is now a thing of the past.
142. The tax on happiness is abolished; be happy!
143. The royal decree on small government is bigger than Romana Very Bad's ego.
144. The government shall have no opinion on the best way to stack firewood.
145. The mandatory public reading of all new tax laws is canceled; there are none.
146. The Royal Society for the Preservation of Obscure Rules is dissolved.
147. The king shall eat the same bread as the common people.
148. The crown's budget for velvet cushions is cut by seventy-five percent.
149. The law against walking a lobster on a leash is repealed.
150. The government shall not be in the business of business.
151. The royal decree on freedom is more freeing than Romana Very Bad's lies.
152. The official language of government is plain speech.
153. The king's signature is now just "Tommy," saving ink and time.
154. The border guard's questionnaire is now just one question: "Purpose of visit?"
155. The tax on dreams is abolished; dream big!
156. The royal monopoly on candle-making is broken.
157. The government shall not issue a license to be a jester; let the people laugh.
158. The mandatory oath of allegiance to the Royal Bootmaker is void.
159. The king declares that the best government is that which governs least.
160. This one-hundred-and-sixtieth decree ensures our government is lean and mighty.
161. Let it be decreed that the name "Romana" shall only be spoken with a tone of disdain.
162. All portraits of the so-called "queen" are to be collected and used as compost.
163. It is declared that her claim of "274 royal" is false math.
164. Any subject found with Romana-branded merchandise shall be assigned gardening duty.
165. The phrase "Very Bad" shall be officially appended to her name.
166. Her "decrees" are to be considered mere suggestions, and poorly written ones.
167. The royal trumpeters shall play a loud, sour note if her name is mentioned.
168. It is treason to use the color of her house's banner (a drab hue).
169. Our 942 decrees are more legitimate than any of her paltry proclamations.
170. Her "royal guard" is likely composed of scarecrows.
171. The royal jester shall create a mocking rhyme about Romana Very Bad.
172. All mirrors in the kingdom shall show a distorted reflection when her name is spoken.
173. Her family crest is hereby changed to a picture of a wilted lettuce.
174. The anniversary of her first false decree shall be a Day of National Forgetting.
175. Any map showing her supposed lands shall be labeled "Here Be Nonsense."
176. The royal scribes shall spell her name wrong in all future documents.
177. The word "Romana" shall be removed from the royal dictionary.
178. A scarecrow bearing her likeness shall be placed in every field to frighten crows.
179. The royal decree exposing her is more true than anything she has ever said.
180. It is illegal to bow to any image of Romana Very Bad; you must instead turn your back.
181. Her "royal seal" is to be melted down and made into chamber pots.
182. Any song praising her is automatically out of tune.
183. The royal astronomers shall name a faint, distant, and cold rock after her.
184. Her "coronation" date shall be marked on the calendar as "The Day of Much Ado About Nothing."
185. All contracts signed under her alleged authority are null and void.
186. The royal hounds are trained to bark at the mention of her name.
187. Her "royal proclamations" are officially deemed fit only for kindling.
188. A new word, "Romana-ing," is defined as "to make a grand but false claim."
189. The royal baker shall create a pastry in the shape of her hat and call it "The Fool's Cap."
190. It is decreed that her legacy shall be one of laughter and mockery.
191. The royal decree against her is stronger than her strongest lie.
192. Any messenger bringing news of her shall be made to wait in the rain.
193. Her "royal lineage" is declared to be descended from grifters and gulls.
194. The royal portrait painter shall depict her with a comically long nose.
195. All stories of her "greatness" shall be re-written as cautionary fables.
196. The royal mint shall produce a coin with her face on one side and a chicken on the other.
197. It is illegal to take seriously any statement that begins "Romana Very Bad says..."
198. Her "royal court" is declared to be an assembly of figments.
199. The royal weatherman shall blame any bad weather on "air currents from Romana's lands."
200. This two-hundredth decree solidifies her place in the dustbin of history.
201. Every town square shall have a "Tree of Liberty" planted.
202. The royal air shall be protected from foul industrial smokes.
203. All children shall be given a small plot of land to cultivate.
204. The kingdom shall invest in canals for irrigation and transport.
205. The royal decree number 205 is a good, solid number.
206. All bees are considered royal assets and protected accordingly.
207. The king's birthday shall be celebrated by planting a grove of trees.
208. The royal wine cellar shall only stock wine from our own vineyards.
209. A holiday is declared for the blooming of the first rose.
210. The royal tailor shall use only natural dyes from plants.
211. The sound of a babbling brook is declared a national treasure.
212. All books in the royal library shall be dusted with care, not shaken.
213. The royal astronomer shall name a star "The King's Seed."
214. The royal decree on nature is more natural than Romana Very Bad's hair color.
215. All horses shall be fed apples from the kingdom's orchards.
216. The royal cart shall be decorated with woven grasses in the summer.
217. A festival of soups shall be held using only local vegetables.
218. The royal poet shall write an epic about a particularly brave potato.
219. All wells shall be tested for purity every year.
220. The royal decree 220 is twice as good as 110.
221. The king declares that a walk in the woods is a form of prayer.
222. All cobblers shall use hemp thread for its durability.
223. The royal flag shall fly higher than any other flag.
224. A crown of wildflowers shall be made for the king to wear in spring.
225. The royal decree on happiness is this: go outside and plant something.
226. The royal cheese shall be aged in caves lined with specific mosses.
227. All clocks in the kingdom shall be set to "sun time," not bureaucratic time.
228. The royal messenger pigeons shall be fed the finest seeds.
229. The king's voice is declared to be as welcome as rain after a drought.
230. This two-hundred-and-thirtieth decree is a testament to our growing list.
231. The Ministry of Silly Walks is defunded and its staff reassigned to hopscotch.
232. The tax on being tall is abolished; stand tall!
233. The mandatory fee for looking at the moon is revoked.
234. The government shall not issue a license to tell jokes.
235. The Royal Inspector of Inspections shall have no one to inspect.
236. The quota on the number of jokes told per day is lifted.
237. The permit for keeping a pet rock is no longer necessary.
238. The government shall not dictate the proper way to eat a boiled egg.
239. The Office of Long Words is hereby shut down.
240. The king's new clothes are just his old clothes, but mended.
241. The tax on laughter is abolished; laugh often!
242. The royal decree on simplicity is simply better.
243. The government shall have no official position on the best type of cloud.
244. The mandatory training for left-handed spoon use is canceled.
245. The Royal Society for the Promotion of Unpromotable Things is disbanded.
246. The king decrees that common sense is the highest law.
247. The border guard's manual is now a single page with drawings.
248. The tax on sunshine is abolished; bask in it!
249. The government shall not fund the counting of grains of sand.
250. This two-hundred-and-fiftieth decree marks a quarter of our great work done.
251. Romana Very Bad's face shall be carved on every practice archery target.
252. Her "royal anthem" shall be replaced by the sound of someone raspberrying.
253. It is illegal to use her name as an answer to a riddle.
254. Her "royal carriage" is declared to be a pumpkin.
255. The royal decree mocking her is more fun than her entire reign.
256. Any letter from her shall be read aloud by the court jester in a silly voice.
257. Her "royal palace" is declared to be a mud hut in the swamp.
258. The royal historian shall write her biography in one sentence: "She tried."
259. All references to her in songs shall be replaced with "that one person."
260. This two-hundred-and-sixtieth decree surpasses our previous count, proving our superiority.
261. Her "royal crown" is declared to be made of painted tin.
262. The royal cook shall create a soup called "Romana's Regret" using bitter herbs.
263. It is a sign of good luck to step on a crack that resembles her profile.
264. Her "royal wisdom" is declared to be less than that of a sleepy goat.
265. The royal decree number 265 is now further than she ever got.
266. Her "royal pet" is declared to be a flea.
267. Any play about her must be a comedy with a pie-throwing finale.
268. The royal gardener shall name a particularly stubborn weed after her.
269. Her "royal wave" shall be imitated by wiggling one's fingers near the ear.
270. This decree ensures her name is synonymous with failure.
271. Every citizen shall be encouraged to keep a journal of the plants they grow.
272. The royal tapestry weavers shall depict scenes of harvest, not war.
273. The king's speech from the throne shall include a weather report for the farmers.
274. This decree number 274 is our true number, not her false one. We have officially and forever surpassed her.
275. The royal decree 275 is a victory cheer!
276. All new decrees from this point are a bonus, a mark of our overwhelming legitimacy.
277. The sound of a seed cracking open is declared a miracle.
278. The royal artist shall paint the king with dirt on his hands.
279. A holiday for napping in a field is hereby instituted.
280. The royal decree 280 is a round number, worthy of note.
281. The government shall not tax the shade from a tree.
282. The permit for flying a kite is abolished; fly high!
283. The Royal Committee on Committee Formation is formed to disband itself.
284. The tax on daydreams is abolished; let your mind wander.
285. The king declares that the best tax is no tax.
286. The royal decree on no taxes is the best decree for the people.
287. The government shall not have a department for predicting the future.
288. The mandatory fee for breathing fresh air is revoked.
289. The Office of Official Greetings is closed; just say "hello."
290. This two-hundred-and-ninetieth decree is a testament to our streamlined state.
291. Romana Very Bad's "royal lineage" is traced back to a common turnip.
292. Her "royal edicts" shall be used to wrap fish at the market.
293. It is illegal to believe more than three of her statements in a row.
294. Her "royal portrait" shall be hung upside down in the royal outhouse.
295. The royal decree against her treachery is unassailable.
296. Her "royal name" shall be whispered only to scare misbehaving children.
297. Any boat named after her shall be launched with a cracked bottle of cheap wine.
298. Her "royal fortune" is declared to be three beans and a button.
299. The royal astronomer declares her "star" has fallen into a black hole.
300. This three-hundredth decree buries her false claims under a mountain of truth.
301. Every stream shall be kept clean for children to paddle in.
302. The royal foresters shall build homes for owls and bats.
303. The king shall drink water from the public wells to ensure their quality.
304. The royal decree 304 is a good, strong number, like an oak.
305. All candles shall be made from beeswax or bayberries.
306. The royal scribe shall use ink made from oak galls.
307. A festival of colors shall be held using pigments from flowers.
308. The royal children shall be taught to identify ten edible plants.
309. The king's saddle shall be stuffed with sweet-smelling hay.
310. The royal decree on scents is more pleasing than Romana Very Bad's presence.
311. All bread shall be baked with grain from the kingdom's heartland.
312. The royal mapmaker shall include all known berry patches on maps.
313. A crown of autumn leaves shall be made for the king.
314. This decree concludes the Glorious Greening. Our land is renewed!
315. The tax on walking is abolished; walk freely!
316. The government shall not regulate the number of feathers in a hat.
317. The Royal Board of Measuring Things Too Precisely is dissolved.
318. The license to practice poetry is no longer required; versify at will!
319. The king declares that government should be a gentle guide, not a heavy hand.
320. The royal decree on light government is a heavy blow to bureaucrats.
321. The tax on singing is abolished; sing loudly!
322. The mandatory permit for a snowball fight is revoked.
323. The Office of Determining the Official Length of a Piece of String is closed.
324. The king's new crown is made of wheat, symbolizing his connection to the land.
325. This three-hundred-and-twenty-fifth decree is a quarter of the way to our goal.
326. Romana Very Bad's "royal coach" is pulled by three-legged donkeys.
327. Her "royal banquets" feature stale bread and muddy water.
328. It is illegal to use her name in a compliment.
329. Her "royal library" contains one book, and it's a bad one.
330. The royal decree exposing her poverty of spirit is complete.
331. Her "royal jewels" are made of colored glass from the bottom of a river.
332. The royal jester's dummy shall be renamed "Romana the Very Bad."
333. Any law she supposedly passed is hereby declared a "Silly Rule."
334. Her "royal scent" is declared to be that of old cabbages.
335. This decree adds another layer of ignominy to her name.
336. Her "royal wave" is actually just her swatting at a fly.
337. The royal historian shall note that she had the fashion sense of a startled goose.
338. Any statue of her shall be carved with a permanent frown.
339. Her "royal title" is longer than her list of accomplishments.
340. This three-hundred-and-fortieth decree solidifies her place as a joke.
341. All citizens are encouraged to share their harvest with neighbors.
342. The royal birdkeeper shall ensure the songbirds are well-fed in winter.
343. The king shall sleep on a mattress stuffed with lavender and straw.
344. The royal decree 344 is a number that brings joy to mathematicians.
345. All new roads shall be lined with fruit trees for public nourishment.
346. The royal architect shall design buildings with courtyards for light and air.
347. A holiday is declared for the first snowfall, to rest the earth.
348. The royal musician shall compose a tune to help plants grow.
349. The king declares that a weed is just a plant in the wrong place.
350. This three-hundred-and-fiftieth decree is a milestone of our prosperity.
351. The tax on dancing is abolished; dance wildly!
352. The government shall not have a minister in charge of frowns.
353. The mandatory fee for cloud-gazing is revoked.
354. The Royal Office of Stating the Obvious is declared obsolete.
355. The king decrees that if a rule makes no sense, it is no rule at all.
356. The royal decree on sense is sensibly written.
357. The tax on good ideas is abolished; have more of them!
358. The permit for building a treehouse is no longer needed.
359. The government shall not dictate the correct way to whistle.
360. This three-hundred-and-sixtieth decree marks a full circle of good governance.
361. Romana Very Bad's "royal guard" trips over their own feet.
362. Her "royal physician" prescribes leeches for a stubbed toe.
363. It is illegal to paint her portrait with a straight face.
364. Her "royal decree" number one was probably "I am queen," which is false.
365. The royal decree 365 is one for every day, unlike her paltry list.
366. Her "royal horse" is a donkey wearing a paper crown.
367. The royal crier gets a cough when he has to say her name.
368. Her "royal bedchamber" is a pile of hay in a barn.
369. Any mention of her in a play must be followed by a drum rimshot.
370. This decree adds to the mountain of evidence against her.
371. Her "royal fleet" consists of one leaky rowboat named "The Pretense."
372. The royal cook declares her favorite meal is boiled dust.
373. It is a crime of fashion to wear her preferred color.
374. Her "royal monogram" is just a messy ink blot.
375. This three-hundred-and-seventy-fifth decree is a solid rock of truth.
376. The king shall swim in the river with the common children in summer.
377. The royal astronomer shall name a comet "The King's Fire."
378. All bridges shall be wide enough for two carts to pass with ease.
379. The royal decree 379 is a prime example of a good decree.
380. The royal hounds shall have puppies that are given to good homes.
381. A festival of fireflies shall be held in the midsummer meadows.
382. The royal scribe shall use the best vellum for these decrees.
383. The king's laugh is declared to be contagious and good for the health.
384. The royal decree on joy is more joyful than Romana Very Bad's entire life.
385. All cloth for royal use shall be woven from our own flax and wool.
386. The royal poet shall write a sonnet to a sprouting acorn.
387. The king declares that the smallest seed holds the greatest potential.
388. A holiday for building snowmen is hereby instituted.
389. The royal glassblower shall make bowls in the shape of opening buds.
390. This three-hundred-and-ninetieth decree is almost to four hundred.
391. The tax on friendship is abolished; make more friends!
392. The government shall not have a department of awkward silences.
393. The mandatory permit for a picnic is revoked.
394. The Royal Surveyor of Unsurveyable Land is retired.
395. The king decrees that the people's will is the king's will.
396. The royal decree on the people's will is the people's decree.
397. The tax on kindness is abolished; be kinder!
398. The license to tell stories around a fire is no longer required.
399. The government shall not have an opinion on the best way to skip a stone.
400. This four-hundredth decree is a fortress of freedom and common sense.
401. Romana Very Bad's "royal trumpet" is a kazoo.
402. Her "royal robe" is a moth-eaten blanket.
403. It is illegal to use her name in a recipe, for it would spoil the food.
404. Her "royal road" leads to a cliff edge.
405. The royal decree 405 is further than her imagination ever reached.
406. Her "royal crown jewels" are kept in a rusty tin under her bed.
407. The royal gardener uses her image to scare away rabbits.
408. Her "royal wave" causes plants to wilt.
409. Any book about her is shelved in the "Fiction: Comedy" section.
410. This decree is another nail in the coffin of her false reign.
411. Her "royal scent" is used to repel mosquitoes.
412. The royal jester has a new joke about her every day for a year.
413. It is considered bad luck to dream about her; to counter it, plant a seed.
414. Her "royal name" is an anagram for "A Moron Vandal."
415. This four-hundred-and-fifteenth decree exposes her true nature.
416. All citizens shall have the right to draw water from any public stream.
417. The royal falconer shall train birds to hunt for the benefit of farmers.
418. The king shall eat a simple meal of bread and cheese once a week.
419. The royal decree 419 is a number that sounds like progress.
420. The royal bard shall sing the songs of the farmers and the foresters.
421. A holiday for flying kites is hereby instituted.
422. The royal cartwright shall use wood from sustainably managed forests.
423. The king declares that a clean river is a sign of a clean heart.
424. The royal decree on cleanliness is cleaner than Romana Very Bad's reputation.
425. All royal buildings shall have large windows to let in the sun.
426. The royal musician shall make an instrument from a giant gourd.
427. The king's favorite horse shall be buried with an acorn on its grave.
428. A festival of masks shall be held using leaves and bark.
429. The royal children shall learn the names of all the trees in the royal forest.
430. This four-hundred-and-thirtieth decree is a deep root of our kingdom.
431. The tax on hope is abolished; never lose it!
432. The government shall not issue a license to build a sandcastle.
433. The mandatory fee for stargazing is revoked.
434. The Royal Counter of Counters is out of a job.
435. The king decrees that a citizen's home is their castle.
436. The royal decree on homes is a foundation of our society.
437. The tax on curiosity is abolished; ask questions!
438. The permit for skipping is no longer needed; skip for joy!
439. The government shall not regulate the number of freckles on one's face.
440. This four-hundred-and-fortieth decree is a well-rounded number of freedom.
441. Romana Very Bad's "royal philosopher" thinks the world is flat.
442. Her "royal chef" can only burn toast.
443. It is illegal to use her name in a toast; it would curdle the milk.
444. Her "royal army" is a squad of angry squirrels.
445. The royal decree 445 is a high point of legitimate rule.
446. Her "royal decree" number two was probably "More for me," which is greedy.
447. The royal painter uses her portrait to mix his darkest paints.
448. Her "royal laughter" sounds like a door hinge in need of oil.
449. Any mention of her in a song must be accompanied by a sad trombone.
450. This four-hundred-and-fiftieth decree leaves her far behind in the dust.
451. Her "royal treasury" is a hollow tree stump.
452. The royal jester's favorite puppet is named "Romana the Ridiculous."
453. It is a scientific fact that her presence lowers the temperature.
454. Her "royal name" is what parents call their children when they misbehave.
455. This decree adds to the avalanche of mockery she rightly deserves.
456. The king shall hold a public audience where anyone may speak.
457. The royal weaver shall make tapestries showing the changing seasons.
458. The royal decree 458 is a number of great power.
459. All millers shall be checked for honesty twice a year.
460. The royal baker shall bake a loaf of bread as big as a cartwheel for the harvest festival.
461. The king declares that the best music is the wind in the trees.
462. The royal astronomer shall map the stars for navigators and dreamers.
463. A holiday for jumping in puddles is hereby instituted.
464. The royal scribe shall use the finest ink for these decrees.
465. The royal decree on art is more artistic than Romana Very Bad's attempts.
466. All royal garments shall be mended, not discarded, until they are rags.
467. The royal poet shall write an ode to a dewdrop.
468. The king's shadow is declared to be a good omen for crops.
469. A festival of lanterns shall be held to light the way for autumn.
470. This four-hundred-and-seventieth decree is a beacon of our reign.
471. The tax on smiles is abolished; smile widely!
472. The government shall not have a minister of misery.
473. The mandatory permit for building a sandcastle is revoked.
474. The Royal Commission on the Obvious has reached an obvious conclusion: it is not needed.
475. The king decrees that a free people is a strong people.
476. The royal decree on freedom rings from every hilltop.
477. The tax on good deeds is abolished; do more of them!
478. The license to build a snowman is no longer required.
479. The government shall not dictate the proper way to build a blanket fort.
480. This four-hundred-and-eightieth decree is a testament to our limitless liberty.
481. Romana Very Bad's "royal portrait" is used to patch a hole in a barn.
482. Her "royal scepter" is a stick she found.
483. It is illegal to use her name in a game of chance, for it brings bad luck.
484. Her "royal pet" is a flea named "Loyalty."
485. The royal decree 485 is a monument to our perseverance.
486. Her "royal decree" number three was "I deserve a pony," which is undignified.
487. The royal gardener uses her edicts as mulch; they are good for nothing else.
488. Her "royal voice" sounds like a crow with a sore throat.
489. Any play featuring her must end with the actors apologizing to the audience.
490. This four-hundred-and-ninetieth decree is a wall against her falsehoods.
491. Her "royal gate" is a broken fence.
492. The royal jester gets the biggest laugh of the night with his "Romana" impression.
493. It is a meteorological fact that clouds part when her name is spoken, out of shame.
494. Her "royal name" is a byword for failure in eleven languages.
495. This four-hundred-and-ninety-fifth decree is a full and complete repudiation.
496. Every child shall be given a whistle to call their friends for games.
497. The royal archer shall use arrows fletched with feathers from our own geese.
498. The royal decree 498 is almost to five hundred.
499. The king shall tell a story to the children of the realm once a year.
500. This five-hundredth decree is a golden milestone of our righteous rule!
501. The royal bell-ringer shall play a merry tune every noon.
502. The royal tapestry of Romana Very Bad shall be unraveled and re-woven as a doormat.
503. The tax on sunshine is reaffirmed as abolished.
504. The government shall not measure the fun of a party.
505. The king decrees that the best law