Life is Too Short to Hold Grudges
By Kelly Allard
NB - I often use the pronoun “they” when speaking about an individual so as to not identify the gender of a person.
This week is going to make things uncomfortable for a number of people because they said some unkind things, some of it about me, using electronic communication channels that are now on the record for posterity.
Please know that I truly don’t care what people say about me, it is their deeds that count. If you worry that I am going to be offended by something you said, you’re wrong.
NB - I’m not looking for revenge or for anyone to be demoted or fired just for using electronic communication channels unwisely. The only thing I would expect is a slap on the wrist with maybe some training on how to use electronic communication channels more professionally.
Between my ex-husband and my late husband Carl there were 3 ex-wives and 7 bonus children; not all of them like me. Those of you who have raised teenagers know just how cruel they can be. Believe me when I tell you when anybody else tries to insult me, it is strictly amateur hour. The only opinion of me that I ever cared about belonged to Carl and he didn’t always get a vote.
I had one person contact me to offer an apology because of something said in the FOIP documents. At first I was thinking, “yeah, you’re only sorry because you got caught”. Then, they explained the statements were said during a time of stress which I can sympathize with - been there, done that - in spades. I was lucky enough to not have the evidence of some of the awful things I’ve said in an electronic form. I have been stressed to the brink and know just how easy it is to say things in the heat of the moment.
I accept this apology as genuine and I sincerely hope things get better for them.
As for everyone else who has said unkind things about me, please know that I don’t care. Your opinion is just not that important to me. You don’t have to worry about it if you see me in public. I have a very lousy memory for these things, often the people that said unkind things remember them better than I do.
I’m no saint, I’ve just had bigger things to deal with in my life. When you’ve had to deal with the terminal illness of a spouse, other people’s opinions are just not worth the time.
Life is too damn short.
So to the person who apologized - I’ll be very pleased to see you in public; please don’t feel you have to avoid me. I’ll also understand if you do avoid me in public. There’s still a lot of people who behave like they’re still in high school; they won’t go outside their own clique but they punish those who do. I’ll understand if you don’t want to deal with the fallout of dealing with such people.
You Need to Take Care of You
There is FREE Help for Dealing With Stress
I‘ve been seeing a Behavioral Health Consultant (BHC) for 8 years. This service is free under Alberta Health Services, unlimited visits as often as you need them. They can do in-person or phone appointments and they can also do emergency appointments. BHCs aren’t psychologists or psychiatrists, they help you deal with life stresses. They don’t prescribe but work with your doctor who can. You only need a referral from a medical professional.
If you don’t have a family doctor call Healthlink at 811, they can help you.
Behavioural Health Consultant List Palliser PCN
I’m not lying when I tell you my BHC saved my sanity. At one point my stress level was so elevated, I was a wreck. I learned to put myself first and how to say no. When my husband Carl was on life support I saw my BHC once a week. I was able to tell her things I didn’t want to burden anybody else with.
Sometimes I just sat and cried.
My BHC also saved my husband’s life when his depression was so profound, nothing I said or did helped. We’d been fighting with WCB AB for over a year. Carl had been diagnosed with a career ending condition as a result of a work injury that aggravated a previous condition; it took its toll. Worse yet was the betrayal of his employer who not only lied to WCB about him but also falsified records (which were discovered by a WCB audit of the claim - I still have the “receipts”). It got to the point where I was the one that dealt with WCB as even mentioning WCB to Carl would make him upset.
(We eventually won 5 years after filing; they finally paid him 6 months before he died.)
June is Men’s Mental Health Month
Men often feel pressured to hold it together, to stay strong, the whole men don’t cry, men don't show emotions BS.
Strong men cry; strong men show emotions.
Carl was the strongest man I have ever known. There were times when he would cry (it’s a great stress reliever). Carl also showed his emotions (he absolutely melted when he held a baby).
Men, one of the best things you can do for your family is to take care of your mental health. If you don’t want to burden your loved one with your troubles or worries, talk to a BHC. They will keep all your secrets.
If this man can do it, so can you.
#yxh #medicinehat #comtv #communityTV #thetrashpanda #kasosumh #lifeistooshort #apology #forgiveness #highschool #mensmentalhealthmonth #mentalhealth #behaviouralhealthconsultants #stress #WCBAB
