304 days after Dad was admitted to hospital (first for acute care and then extended care), he finally has a bed in a long term care home. This is a big problem in BC - people are having to wait in hospital for a long term care bed. Now a bed has open up for him, he cannot stay in the hospital anymore. Dad is NOT a happy camper. He has adjusted to life in the hospital but the thought of going someplace new is kind of overwhelming for him. It’s not like he can get up and walk out the door; he has been bedridden since his admission 304 days ago.

Background

I tried my best to get Dad approved for admission to a care home for the last couple of years (even in an assisted living situation) but the people who assessed him said he was fine the whole time, he did not qualify for care. Dad lived in a rural area, he was not able to walk to a neighbour’s place. All of the people he called friends were dead and his neighbours disliked him. He had no transportation, no visitors, no access to groceries except what I had arranged to be delivered to him.

The volunteer who delivered his weekly groceries to him last November noticed something was off and went to check on him the next day; he found Dad had fallen and could not get up. An ambulance was called and Dad was transported to hospital. He has been there ever since.

Dad in April 2024 at his own home - he was teaching his granddaughter Kelci how to tune a ukulele.

Dementia is a cruel disease, taking your dignity away from you

This man who was once someone I looked up to for wisdom and guidance is now in need of help.

This man who had a great love of reading lost that ability years ago when macular degeneration took most of his vision.

This man who was more intelligent than probably 90% of the population is losing the ability to think.

This man who strived to learn something new every day now cannot remember events from day to day.

This man who was a bush pilot flying a float plane into remote logging camps and to our summer cabin is now dependent on others for his most basic needs.

This man who carved multiple totem poles is no longer able to create.

This man who had spearheaded an effort to replace a home for a local fisherman and his family is now alone in an institution, no nearby family to advocate for him - I am having to do it from a province away.

Madeira Park Accordion Player

Madeira Park Elementary school is in the background. Dad shared his musical talent with anyone who would listen. He played accordion, piano, ukulele, trumpet, harmonica, etc

Dad's First Totem Pole

Beaver, D’Sonoqua, Grizzly and Thunderbird. Carved in the early 70’s, it has since returned to Mother Earth.

Flush Gordon

I believe this in reference to politician Gordon Wilson who was the MLA for Powell River - Sunshine Coast

Save Me a Seat

In reference to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver BC - Dad has a wicked and biting sense of humour

This was his truck

Rainwater Tanks

Much of the Sunshine Coast digs wells for water but there is a high level of arsenic in the rock. Dad collected rainwater for his needs in two 1000L tanks - the yellow shed on the left held the other tank.

This man who taught me

About the virtues of cedar trees for carving
About the virtues of alder trees for burning
About safety while hiking in the woods
About the best cod for eating (ling cod)
To respect wildlife
How to sex a crab and which are the best eating (Dungeness - Alaskan King Crab cannot compare)
How to pick up a crab without getting pinched
How to pick crab meat
How to run a bulldozer
How to run a chainsaw
How to chop wood
How to light and use an oil stove
How to start and run an outboard motor
How to drive a boat
How to drive a standard vehicle
How to jig for cod
How to kill a dogfish when my jigging rig brought one up
How a sea cucumber literally spills its guts if you pick it up from the wrong end
How to gut and descale a fish
How to waterski
How to cook a number of dishes
How important a sense of humour is

is now dependent on others.

Dad’s biggest fear was having to live in a long term care home

Dad used to go to the various facilities to sing and play music for the residents. He played the accordion, the piano, the ukulele - now he is faced with being a resident of one. He disliked what he called the warehousing of our seniors and the loss of dignity that went along with it. He said they are just places full of people waiting to die.

I called Dad yesterday and told him what was going on - he was PISSED!

Dad was declared incompetent months ago, he cannot make these decisions and he resents the situation very much. He feels like he is being shuffled around like a piece of luggage, he feels powerless and resents his loss of freedom to choose.

I spoke with the nursing staff and they were wonderful as usual, telling me what the procedure would be.

When I was out there in July, I waited outside his room as they were preparing to take him for a shower. I heard him yelling and cursing at the nurses - this was not the man I knew, this was Dementia Dad. I say that not to be disrespectful but to delineate between the two sides of him. Dad’s brain is changing, he is not always responsible for the things that come out of his mouth.

Dad feared the loss of control over his own life

I am now in the position of having to make decisions for Dad yet I still do not have the legal capability yet. I am still waiting for all parties to be served in regard to the committeeship (guardianship / trusteeship), after that there is a waiting period (up to 30 days I think). I do not anticipate any objections to my committeeship application.

One of the documents sent to me in anticipation of Dad’s move was in regards to immunization. While I get my shots every year, Dad has always been distrustful of the medical profession; he never got flu shots or covid shots. I love my dad dearly and want him to live as long as possible but I have to try to decide what his wishes would be. What is best or easiest for me may not be the best decision for him.

So now I have a dilemma

Dad is 91 years old, very frail and bedridden, he must have someone attend to his toileting /hygiene needs. He is on iron supplements and narcotic painkillers, likely due to an undiagnosed malignancy. (There is no point in doing invasive tests unless it is going to change the treatment - he would not survive surgery, chemo or radiation.) Dad will have a private room and he is unlikely to have any visitors, this will reduce the risk for the other residents.

If Dad gets covid or the flu, it will likely kill him.

Knowing that Dad would absolutely refuse these immunizations if he was capable
Knowing that covid or the flu would likely kill him

Do I force these immunizations on him or not?

This is not a decision I feel that I can make without some guidance or input from others. I am currently speaking with my family and medical professionals to look at all sides to help me come to a decision. I encourage anyone else in my position to do the same; you do not need to do this alone.

Staff that deal with people with dementia are absolute saints

They deal with literal shit and abuse on a daily basis and still come up smiling. When someone’s brain is deteriorating, there is no way to reason with them. Staff have a hard job - thank you for all that you do!

It takes a very special person to work in such an environment; I know I could not do it.